Senior same-sex couples navigate system that doesn’t recognize them

Posted on April 22, 2007
Filed Under New Hampshire | Leave a Comment

Heritage Heights residents Bill Twibill and Casper Kranenburg say they plan to join in a civil union if New Hampshire law allows it.

After 25 years together, Bill Twibill and Casper Kranenburg are linked by love, mutual respect and an inch-thick stack of documents that form a fragile facsimile of marriage they hope will allow them to care for each other as they age.

Without these papers, one cannot visit the other in the hospital, consult on his medical treatment, handle his finances or perform other chores that become necessary as couples grow old. Nor could one man claim the other’s body, inherit his property or arrange his funeral when he dies.

Should New Hampshire recognize same-sex civil unions, as it now seems poised to do, Twibill’s fears would dissipate. He and many of his peers say they would worry less that a distant relative or unsympathetic judge might unravel their end-of-life plans. Many legal challenges, such as estate planning, health-care decision making and inheritance, would be simplified, but aging gay men and lesbians say that civil unions will do little to relieve other complications they expect to encounter as they grow old.

“I don’t want to put a damper on how great civil unions will be,” said Pat McGrath, a Manchester attorney who helps same-sex couples plan their retirements. “They need to talk to someone about how civil unions are going to come into the mix.”

“We’re not to that age yet, but when we get there, what will we have to worry about?” said Dawn Touzin, who’s in her 50s. “It’s all so unknown. We could have been together for a lot of years, but you reach that place and, at least from a federal prospective, you’re on your own.”

Her partner of eight years, Ellen McCahon, agrees: “You have to figure out trusts that are more creative,” she said. “You don’t know what your legal options are, so you have to pay someone to walk you through. It just makes it a lot more complicated. It’s a whole other train of thought.”

State-granted unions have no bearing on federal law, so partners will still be considered single when it comes to taxes, social security benefits and Medicare. Couples continue to worry, too, about late-life discrimination in nursing homes and retirement communities, and wonder what civil unions will mean for private pensions or asset tests to qualify for government-subsidized elder care.

Whatever the effects of civil unions in New Hampshire, there will likely be many opportunities to apply the rights - and restrictions - they contain to an aging population. New Hampshire is already the sixth-oldest state in the nation and is becoming a destination for many recent retirees, including baby boomers who are more open with their sexuality, and sexual orientations, than the generations that came before.

Among the transplants is Rep. Ed Butler, a Hart’s Location Democrat who just celebrated 29 years with his partner, Les Schoof. Butler, 57, and Schoof, 55, left jobs in New York in 1993 and used most of their retirement savings to buy a North Country inn. They’ve written and rewritten their wills, discussed their wishes with their families, and encountered widespread acceptance of their relationship among neighbors, guests and strangers. But they worry about couples who aren’t as lucky.

“With or without civil unions, retirement options would become available to people who have money to invest,” Butler said “One of the things that I think civil unions are going to begin to achieve is safety, protection, coverage for people who don’t necessarily have a lot of money, who don’t necessarily have a big retirement plan.”

Many gay and lesbian couples think more about retirement than their heterosexual peers, saying they can count on fewer social, economic and legal guarantees. It’s more likely for a relative to contest a will or interfere with funeral arrangements after one partner dies, so couples lay out their wishes in intricate documents. Some couples start saving for retirement earlier too, funneling additional money into private investment accounts because survivors benefits don’t transfer between partners.

“Casper can’t get my social security benefits,” said Twibill. “He can’t get anything from the federal government, but we pay all the taxes.” Twibill and Kranenburg have no immediate family, but they still took steps to ensure the surviving man will inherit the other’s property, such as excluding distant relatives by name in their wills.

Every few years, the men review and re-sign their wills to make it clear that their wishes remain the same. “It’s an ongoing financial thing,” said Twibill. “It’s wrong. We’ve been together 25 years, and we still have to do this.”

Children are an important factor too. Older same-sex couples are less likely to have them because of social norms during their younger years. That means thinking about who will care for them when they’re old. Most of the couples we know our age aren’t going to have children, so we talk about how we can take care of each other.”

While civil unions will be an important legal step for same-sex couples, many gay men and lesbians worry that they’ll still face discrimination in nursing homes and retirement communities. Married couples, for instance, are guaranteed rooms together, but that’s not the case for same-sex couples.

Source: Concord Monitor

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